


Air Pockets

by WildAndFreeHearts



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: F/M, Queefing, Vaginal Farts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-17
Updated: 2013-03-17
Packaged: 2017-12-05 14:52:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/724550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WildAndFreeHearts/pseuds/WildAndFreeHearts
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five times queefing was embarrassing to Uhura, and one time it wasn't.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Air Pockets

Uhura rolls over to face Gaila’s bed. “Come on Gaila, that’s just gross!”

Gaila simply giggles. She’s lying on her belly, knees bent, swinging her pretty, green feet idly in the air. “Oh, that wasn’t a fart. By the way did I tell you about the new guy in Xenobiotic-studies? He’s an Andorian. You know what they say about those antennae? Well it’s _true_! Man, talk about s”

Uhura throws her pillow over her head to block out the rest of what Gaila is saying.

~~~

Uhura’s hands are over her face in embarrassment. Her breathing is still hard as she feels Spock slowly slide to lie beside her on the bed. She knows she’s just completely ruined the sex but she’s kind of waiting for him to tell her it’s alright.

Then suddenly he starts ticking off science for what has just happened, angles, thrust, air pockets and things like that and now she really wants him to shut up instead. Then he says something along the lines of ‘susceptible lining promotes an easier passage for a Vulcan newborn’.

She kicks him out of her room that night and doesn’t talk to him again for three days.

~~~

It turns out that pap smears are still a part of Starfleet’s annual check-ups. But as if that isn’t annoying enough, the Doctor of the _Enterprise_ is somehow Kirk’s hick friend McCoy. Not that she has any personal dislike of the Doctor, it’s just…well, it’s Kirk to be honest; the Captain is a serious dick and now the guy’s best buddy is going to be wiggling his fingers around in her hoo-ha.

But when he steps into the room, and helps her gently place her feet in the stirrups, all the while speaking in a kind and professional tone about what happens in the test, all that she can think is that ‘Okay, maybe this guy isn’t a total sleaze like Kirk; maybe he’s just a regular run-of-the-mill doctor.’

She spreads her legs… and the air she didn’t even know was there suddenly comes out. His hands go still on her thighs, and then he stands up, saying that he’ll be right back.

A few minutes later Nurse Chapel walks in and finishes the procedure. All the while Uhura can hear McCoy in the other room trying not to laugh. Turns out he _is_ a sleaze.

~~~

They’re on a diplomatic mission to Laeriton VII, the inhabitants speak in a dialect made entirely of phonic sets of compressed air.

Kirk is sitting next to her during the delegations, and he’s trying his best to contain his laughter. He’s failing miserably, and there are tears forming in the corner of his eyes. He’s no help at all as she calmly tries to recompose herself and tell the inhabitants that ‘No, she must have misspoke.’

Kirk can’t hold back anymore and starts laughing at the top of his voice, which deeply offends the alien delegates. Because apparently the kinds of sounds Kirk is making are very offensive in their native language; Uhura thinks they’re pretty offensive herself.

All Kirk has to say for himself later when they’re back onboard the _Enterprise_ is “That was fucking _amazing;_ best mission _ever.”_

~~~

It’s been a hell of a week onboard the _Enterprise_ ; first they got a hull-breach from a cloaked Romulan ship, after that they had a run-in with three Klingon birds of prey which caused the transporters to fritz out, and to top it all off they soon had to go to New Vulcan to help with communications with a previously un-known sentient life-form who called the planet home and wanted to know why the little green men where inclosing on its territory.

But fuck it. None of that mattered right now, all she wanted was to have some lunch and then go take a well-deserved nap.

Tray in hand and piled high with comfort food, Uhura made her way over to the Bride-Crew table. She slid daintily into her set and…

Chekov was about to greet her but he suddenly turned pink.  “In Russia ladies do not fart.” He said with an affronted air.

“I didn’t-I mean-God damn it!” She stood up and stormed out of the mess-hall.

~~~

So it happens again; it sounds weird and feels weird. But actually she could care less. Because right now she’s holding a soft, prefect baby with little pointed ears.

And if any part of her is somehow pissed at Spock right now for his stupid predictions, she’s too tired and too happy to care.

Besides, Spock’s asleep in the chair beside the bio-bed and the nurses have left to give her some privacy while feeding the baby. So no one is around to hear but her and the babe. Not that it matters. Because that sound just proved that she really is a mother.


End file.
